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Horney old in Gibraltar

THIS MORNING I WAS HAVING BY FAVORITE ENJOY.... (FUNNYhumor So I what food was in the shower today, having a vodka martini (no I am not an alcoholic) whereas washing my tresses, and I notion "wouldn't it be great if i had a girl to do this for me? " I mean clean my hair, not drink the martini... I can do that personally... So after proceeding outside and spewing some homeless men so i could steal their particular change cups regarding cash, I popped into a Starbucks and purchased a non-fat soy chai latte, then had the barista stir it with your girlfriend tongue. You didn't know Starbucks did that? Well you've probably never asked. Try it next time. I sat down and fired up my laptop, first browsing a couple of the personal ads for any good laugh in particular the BBW ones WTF when has been Big beautiful... then thought I would write my own personal ad; So by this point of my user profile, you probably want to shoot me within the kneecap with a little girly handgun... Let me give you more ammunition... * While surfing in Africa last winter, I lied to my friend about which shoreline had shark sightings then went to the worst I smeared his board with seafood guts. Once he was attacked, I pulled him from the water... I'm a goddamn hero! * I've never stolen a car without returning it with a full tank connected with gas,tickets to a football game, and a gently used handgun in the trunk. Juuuuuust kidding.... who can have enough money for game tickets nowadays? Come to think of it, who can afford gas? * I know the difference between a fine kilo of true Columbian yay, and a shopping bag full of icing sugar, so don't try and double cross all of us like my earliestwives. * Everyone hates mimes... but not me. I respect someone who understands when to close up the fuck all the way up. If we all did that, there'd be less war. Then again, if there was less war, Hollywood would start making more dvds about teens trying to lose their virginity just before college. I lost mine in quality x to my best parent's chubby Philippine cleaning lady... how come nocauses a movie about that? Now, since most blokes online all seem to like to tell YOU what you should be like (don't you care about that? ), I'll do the same. * I you shouldn't mind blonds and sometimes some of you are in your own world (like any of you are in fact blond anyway... pfft... Grow some self-confidence and go back to your natural colors. ) Sure blonds have more fun... but brunettes try harder, and I respect a woman who puts certain effort in, and blonds just have it too easy notably in CA. *Please be within +-x many years of my grow old.. no grandmothers please. Also please end up being fit, although, curves and hips like Shaikra are sexxy. If you just auditioned for the Biggest Loser indicate maybe send us and email after you have been on that..... Yes I am prepared for the hate mail following this comment. * I don't care where you live. I have an automobile. I like driving. Have some glaciers cream and pie waiting for me and We'll drive to OC (well... it'd have to be homemade pie if you live their) * Although it would be nice if which you were SINGLE but hey My organization is not going to discriminate if you're married or contain a boyfriend.... Look... I am not going towards sit around choosing new cutlery from a catalogue with an individual, or help you walk your miniature little dog. You should have a steady ex-boyfriend or husband for lame stuff like that. I am like a roller coaster, fun to ride by yourself (or preferably with your best friend! )... but terrible for trying to have a dinner party regarding! Well... that's it for me. Oh yeah I am x years out of date tall x. x" fit and handsome, don't worry I have all my hair and no beer belly. PS. If i have piqued your own curiosity, you should realize that its Ok for you to email me. I wont tell your friends, family, husbands, parole officer, or boyfriend's that you have been browsing Craig listings personals... and don't you want to know if I just talk the communicate, or walk the actual walk? PPS. Please include a photo of your self, preferably in a dress, but failing that, underwear. And failing that, track pants and a dirty t-shirt usually work. PPPS, My therapist was thewho actually suggested I date and find someone "normal" Ladies please don't send me a photo of your male member or strap on "GOD I hope you don't have one". If you need to do WTF type from metro-sexual wimpy guys have you been dating?? .

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Horney old in Gibraltar

Horney old in Gibraltar

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Horney old in Gibraltar

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